The essence of friendship
I felt the breath of air, the sigh, and a sense of relief when my friend emerged from his house. Alas! he was coming to school after all. This meant I won’t be stuck alone on the bus with no one to talk to for the entire ride to school.
10/6/20222 min read
Many more instances will come in my life that an 11-year-old kid did not know then. A fellow human to grow with, to see each other go through life, and to understand the true essence of human beings as social creatures.
I wasn’t exactly popular with lots of friends. But I had a lot of acquaintances. Plagued by the inherent need to be in the good books of others, I was kind of the ‘good guy.’ I guess. I might be wrong. But in my defense, I did not have any enemies growing up.
I went off-topic for a bit there. Why am I writing this? The smell of friendship has become faint in my life. And I want to remember the scent I could feel once. Long have I been marred by the thoughts of being insufficient for my friends. The feeling of abandonment made me go into a twisty spiral for a long time. It took me a long time to get used to how people grew up. Friends grow up. They have their own life to deal with. I was dreamy, and I thought this could be for life.
There is no bad blood, though. Just a feeling of loss. The loss of a future that could have been. Of course, we build many such castles in the cloud that never come to fruition. But some castles are just there, almost lifelike, on the very edge of being real. Still, they slowly drift away with time without us realizing it.
Life leaped forward, leaving behind those years of a friendship frozen in only but memories of a few. Here I am now, reminiscing a few of those memories. I am ready. It has been a work in progress, but I think I am okay that people will come and leave your life. You will go to people’s lives and leave. It’s just the way it is. This is something that you cannot control. What you can control is to remember to keep yourself open to the possibility of human connection. Friends, mentors, mentees, colleagues, lovers, whatever form it could be. The relationships we build give substance to our life.
Why am I talking about this right now? Because I think it is time that I come to terms with what is and what once was. And have no remorse. I am no expert. I am making it up as I go. Life can be pretty daunting, and things like friendship can be tremendous, confusing, and infuriating simultaneously. If you are where I am right now. Do not fret. The feeling will pass.